The holiday season is all about good will and cheer and festivities, but for some, it’s just a pain. Why not celebrate the cranky character in your life by buying them a lovably sarcastic present this year? From a sweater emblazoned with “Go Away” to a pennant saying “Fuck It,” our guide to buying for grumps is playful, funny and at times a little bit cute. Check out our full Lovable Curmudgeon Gift Guide in the Buy section and embrace (or enable) the sweet but ultimately sour person in your life.
“People I Want To Punch In The Face” Notebook
There’s nothing like a pocket-sized notebook to keep track of what really matters. With Rude Notebook’s handmade “People I Want To Punch In The Face” journal, it’s really all in the name. It’s petite, pretty (with a soft buckrum cover, hot-stamped with gold lettering) and we’ve found that writing things down actually helps ease frustration.
Puberty Blues Tote Bag
Whether a nod to awkward adolescence or the iconic Australian coming-of-age novel “Puberty Blues,” House of Cards’ bag ($99) makes teen angst (or adult angst) look great. The tote is made from 100% rippled, pool water-printed cotton and features a zip-up compartment inside to keep all your treasures safe. Most charming, though, is the baby blue and pale pink “Puberty Blues” patch sewn onto the side.
“Sorry I Am Such An Asshole” Balloons
Host an apologetic party with Adam J Kurtz’s tongue-in-cheek balloons ($14). They show guests you’ve reached enlightenment by acknowledging the truth. Especially if you’re the only guest. There’s a matching gold enamel pin if you need (or are obligated) to emphasize the message.
“No Fun” Beanie
Toronto’s No Fun Press is nothing if not straightforward. Socks, patches and the like are emblazoned with slogans like “Anti-You” and “Eat Shit.” Our favorite, however, is the no nonsense “No Fun” beanie. Available in a range of colorways, these simple beanies are an easy way to tell the winter world what you’re all about—making for an effortless filter.
“Happy Alone” T-Shirt
For proud introverts and those who just need a day off from humans, Montreal’s Stay Home Club has all kinds of products for people who like to recharge solo. Our pick is the unisex “Happy Alone” T-shirt ($20) which is made in the USA and then screen-printed by hand in Montreal (and available in black or gray). The perfect T-shirt to show off in front of nobody.
“Fuck It” Pennant
Some mornings the positive mantra just doesn’t cut it, so when you’ve had just about enough, Explorers Press’ “Fuck It” pennant ($20) is the flag to fly high. The soft felt pennant is silk-screened, measures 24 inches and won’t make you feel inadequate when you spend the day in your pajamas.
“Quiet” Neon Sign
NYC-based artist Marcus Conrad Poston makes all kinds of curios, but our favorite is his bright neon “Quiet” sign ($1000). Available in various colorways, the sign measures approximately 32 by 20 inches and is a not-so-subtle way for curmudgeons and introverts to tell guests to shut up—or leave.
Larry David Enamel Pin
From Georgia Perry’s newest collection of enamel pins comes the Larry David ($15). Perfectly capturing David’s trademark furrowed brow and unimpressed expression, Perry’s pin is 30mm by 30mm and packaged in a protective bio-degradable cello sleeve—ready to be placed on your favorite bag or lapel to show the world just how awkward everything is.
“Go Away” Sweater
Fly the flag for lovable curmudgeons everywhere with this “Go Away” sweater ($92) from British label Lazy Oaf. The grey marl crewneck (made from 100% cotton) features a chenille-embroidered flag and a very clear message. While it’s part of the brand’s men’s collection, the relaxed fit and size range (from small to extra-large) means it will fit grumps of all genders. Wear it on hungover days, Mondays, any day.
“The End” Patch
Toronto-based Inner Decay has a knack for making eye-catching pins and patches that stir-up all kinds of feelings. Their straightforward “The End” patch ($6) marks a conclusion—whether it’s a story’s happily-ever-after ending, the last statement in an argument, or something a little more grim. The three-inch round patch comes with an iron-on backing and its black-and-white colorway makes it easy to match.
Images courtesy of respective brands, hero image also courtesy of Adam J. Kurtz